Hazy fall memories

Aaron Wells

Reporter

12-5-2000 Sagebrush

Well, reading audience, here it is ­ another semester gone by. When we started this semester, I had brown hair, I was seducing various acquaintances' girlfriends through the Internet, and I had about a 2.3 GPA. Now, I have blue hair, I've managed to seduce my way into a steady girlfriend who is 3 inches taller than me and I have about a 2.2 GPA. I'd say I just about broke even.

It's hard for me to recall what went on this semester, no doubt due in part to the countless dizzy nights spent passing out on the cold tile of my bathroom floor after three bottles of Zima and standing up off the couch too fast. Searching through my hazy memories, though, I can vaguely recall a few important events.

First, we had lots of fun with Coffin & Keys. To recap: their newsletter sucks, they used to use the term "sand nigger" a lot in the early '80s, but they seem to be reformed now.

Second, the Protection of Marriage initiative passed. In 2002, we can vote it down, assuming that we don't all die in a fiery apocalypse on January 1, 2001 (the real start of the new millennium). I'm a little glad that Question 2 passed this first round. At lest my colleagues in 2002 will have plenty of filler material for their far-future letters page.

Also, Question 9, medicinal marijuana, passed with flying colors. I consider this a first step towards achieving peace in the War on Drugs.

I have learned this semester that the Sagebrush is not only read by friends of opinion-piece authors ­ It's also read by the administration and ASUN senators. This ups my estimate of our readership from 45 to 73. I feel like a celebrity.

On a final note, I'd like to remind everyone out there that it is still our editorial policy to publish all letters we receive, if we have enough space, and if they are signed. So anything ­ anything at all ­ that you would lie to see in print, sent it in. And kiddies, send us your letters to Santa. We'll make sure he gets them.

That's all for this Semester. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanujah, Joyful Kwansa, Fruitful Winter Solstice, and a Happy New Year.